How Could This Happen To Her
by lilgizzy1983
Summary: **Mature** This is a graphic version of the story that I posted yesterday. it is NOT a continuation, but the same story with added flashback to Felicity's rape. 6 months after she's abducted by Count Vertigo, Felicity has to deal with the horrifying fall out. Diggle may have to deal with the unexpected news as well. **Mentions of rape, graphic, trigger warning** Be kind.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I just posted a non-explicit version of this yesterday mentioning that I had written a full story and a few people wanted to read this version. It gets really graphic so if it's not for you then just read the other version. The only part that's different is that there is a flashback. You've been warned. Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Arrow. Obviously.

"Alright, let's call it a night and get out of here." Oliver said, throwing on a hoodie and leaving his workout sweatpants on.

"I couldn't agree more, it's been a long night." Diggle said, clapping Oliver on the back as they both headed towards the steps of the new hideout.

It had been three weeks since the showdown with Slade and the new lair is just getting up and running. The workout equipment was easier to set up than the med lab, and the med lab was easier than Felicity's computer and security equipment. They were there almost every night after they got back from Lian Yu trying to get it up to par. Felicity, being jobless for the time being, was almost always there working on getting her equipment set up. They weren't used to seeing her in her "tech nerd" clothes, as she had labeled them there first day setting up. She wore either baggy boyfriend jeans or leggings, and usually an old tank or tee with some sort of nerdy print and a sports bra. Her hair was usual back in her normal pony tail, but to keep it out of her face better she usually wore an elastic head band or a backwards cap. The first day Oliver walked down at 8 am to find her sitting on the floor tinkering with some electronics or wires or something. He didn't even recognize her until she whipped her head around startled to see him in that early. Oliver didn't question her attire, just stared for a couple seconds until she gave him a scary look that said "OK enough, get to work."

Felicity had been edgy all day, snapping at them more than once for touching her things, or messing up the order that she had placed parts. She had even smacked Oliver's hand away from a wire at one point asking harshly if he wanted to die of electrocution. He thinks she even called him a name under her breath as she put her head back down to continue working. It was early, only 7 pm when he had decided they should call it a night. He could tell Diggle was wearing thin on his patience with Felicity. Oliver was definitely wearing thin, but was too tired to deal with her probably wrath if his snapped and said something. When Oliver suggested they call it a night Felicity immediately tensed, not moving from her spot. He thought everyone would be relieved, but she seemed almost frightened. Even behind her backwards cap and glasses he could see her grow just a shade or so paler. She just sat there on the ground with a motherboard in her hands and stared at them as they turned and started to walk towards the door.

"You coming?" Diggle asked as he noticed she didn't follow them. She just took a deep breath.

"Hey girl, you alright?" Diggle asked and took a couple steps back toward her direction.

"Yeah…yeah I'm good. Uh. Yeah, John can you hang back for a few minutes to help me clean up really quick?" Felicity stuttered out.

"I can stay." Oliver stated from the door.

"No." Felicity said adamantly, shocking Oliver a bit. She recovered. "You need to get off that knee, you've been on it all day and you're supposed to be taking it easy. Besides, John knows how to put this stuff away with killing himself or losing pieces…no offense" She looked slightly apologetic, but Oliver knew she was probably right anyway.

Oliver took the hint.

"Alright, well…I will…see you guys tomorrow then. Have fun. And get out of here it's been all day." Oliver stated before leaving, the heavy door loudly slamming behind him. Felicity flinched at the loud noise.

"I think you offended him." Diggle said will a soft chuckle. Felicity just nodded solemnly.

"I know, I'm sorry, it was the only way I could get him to leave." She said, shocking Digg a little with her extremely serious tone.

"Hey, hey it was a joke, I was just kidding." Digg said rushing over to her, sensing suddenly that what was going on with her today was deeper, and more serious than they had anticipated. As he reached her she took a deep shuttering breath and held the back of her hand up to her forehead covering her eyes. He put his arms around her, realizing how suddenly emotional she was and that she needed his support for some unknown crisis. When she didn't say anything, and started crying he wrapped her even tighter, now immediately worried for his best friend. She moved her hand from her face and wrapped her arms around his neck as she tucked her head into his large chest, unabashedly letting her tears go. She trusted Diggle. She trusted Oliver to, with her life, but she couldn't tell him everything. It was too complicated between them. With Digg, she could just be herself. Let him in on things that she was too nervous, or too ashamed to tell Oliver.

After just a couple of minutes, she seemed to rally and pull away. She turned immediately, not able to look John in the face after what had happened.

"Everything is going to change." She said quietly to herself, and to no one really. Felicity seemed totally zoned out.

"Felicity, nothing is changing, we're here, I'm here. You're scaring me, where is this coming from?" Digg tried to break into her little shell she'd created for herself just now.

"It's all different." She said, looking up at him with eyes full of pure fear and if he was looking closely, shame.

"Hey." He took a step toward her but she wrapped her arms around herself and took an equal step back.

Felicity was unable to gather her courage if he was standing that close. She had been gathering her strength all day, completely distracted from her boys and her work. She was trying to work up to what she knew she was going to have to do tonight.

Digg just stopped and stood. He knew something was about to happen and he feared by the way she looked that she was right. That everything would change.

Felicity felt the hot burn of his stare on her face, waiting for her. This was it, her move. She had to just do it, like ripping off a band aid. It was going to be quick, and painful. After that she could finally go back to collapsing into a puddle on the floor, which is where she had spent the entire previous night in her bathroom. She got home from her after hours doctor's appointment at the clinic and immediately threw up her dinner. Not having the strength or willpower to get up, she just slumped over on the floor and cried until she found herself waking up there at 5 am. She showered quickly, thinking about what she was going to have to tell Digg today, and his possible reactions. Fear, anger, disgust? The same things she felt about herself at that moment. She didn't know what was going to happen, and she had been immersed in the terror all day. The terror of this moment. This one heartbreaking moment where she laid herself out there for her friend to see and hoped he wouldn't turn away from her.

"Oh god this is hard." She spit out, followed by taking in another breath. She had realized she gotten lost in her thoughts again and was going to have to rally to make it through.

"What is hard?" Digg asked, coaxing the blonde to just be honest with him. "Nothing you can say is going to change the way I feel about you Felicity. You're my best friend. You're the smartest and strongest person I know. You're a bright, beautiful light in this stupid gray city and we need you back. You've been burnt out the last few weeks. What's going on?"

"I was…anticipating something." Felicity choked out.

"Ok, explain." Digg prodded.

"Damn it, this isn't how it was supposed to go." She chided herself, starting to pace quickly, mumbling to herself. He stepped forward and grabbed her arms gently, stopping her in place and turning her towards him. He looked her in the eyes and was instantly terrified of whatever her next words were going to be.

She took a fearful gulp and closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, she had steeled herself. Prepared for his reaction she just spit it out.

"I need you to take an HIV test." She blurted out, immediately clamping her mouth shut again. Her breathing was quick now, heart pounding anxiety coursing through her as she took in Diggle's facial expression, and it's many sudden changes. The last one that she registered on him was terror, as he suddenly pulled her back into a tight embrace. He shoved her head into his chest and rested his head on hers.

Diggle had no idea what was going on, or why she would ask him to do that. He figured it could only mean a couple of things, and none of them good. As his terror for her simmered and morphed into confusion and slight fear, he pulled back and looked at her. It was clear that she was broken. That this was the real Felicity that he was seeing. The one who had been hiding behind a mask of strength and perkiness and determination. How long had this been going on? What were the details? How would this have happened? Was she ok?

"The car accident?" He asked, almost to himself, even though he was staring at her dead in the eyes. She nodded once. "You're worried about me because of you?" He needed to confirm his fears, hoping this was all some big mistake and he had not assumed correctly. She just slowly nodded one more time letting a tear roll down her cheek. He looked at her like it caused him physical pain to register the news he'd been dreading for the past 30 seconds.

"I just found out yesterday or I swear I would have told you sooner. I was unconscious after the accident so I don't know if you were exposed or anything. I mean I know Oliver carried me but he had on all that leather was wasn't really hurt. When I woke up and later found out that I had fallen on top of you during the crash I started freaking out. I mean, when I got shot I was awake, I was lucid and I could control everything that was going on and secretly make sure Sara or one of you guys didn't touch any blood or anything, but the accident I wasn't sure. Even though all of my tests so far had come up negative I knew there was a small chance that my final 6 month test would show something and I guess…I don't know…I guess my luck just ran out. I'm so sorry John, I didn't mean to put you at risk, it all just happened so fast..." Felicity was near in hysterics now, worried that Diggle would turn away from her, or be angry for not telling him there was a possibility.

Digg just stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time in months. He was still holding her head in his hands in front of him, crouched down to meet her at eye level as she rambled and cried. After everything that had happened, she was strong for Oliver, for the team. She had been harboring this terrifying, deadly secret alone. Carrying the weight of the possibility on her shoulders silently in the background, with no one to talk to about it. How did she do it for this long? Six months?

"Hey, first of all, I love you. And I'm sorry you're going through this, but you're not alone anymore ok? Second, of all, your HIV status is your business. Unless you knowingly have it and don't do anything to prevent others from being infected, then you had no obligation to tell me before now. I appreciate the head's up, but I'm almost certain I didn't come into contact with any of your blood that night." She let out a choked sob of relief at that statement. "Six months Felicity?" She just nodded her head and removed herself from his hands to turn away from that question, she knew what was coming next. But he had responded so well so far, and it was such a relief to tell him that she thought she'd be able to find the courage to get through the next part as well.

"Yeah, it was ummm…it was pretty intense. I'm almost relieved now that it's over, even though it was the worst possible outcome. I mean, the waiting, not knowing was the hardest part. OK I guess finding out that I'm HIV Positive was the worst part, immediately replaced by the terror that I might have infected you or even Lyla. I mean um…I guess I'm just glad it's over." She rambled nervously again, trying to avoid his next question.

"It's not over though Felicity, I mean, your life isn't over." He walked back over to her, turning her around to face him again. Her head was in a million different places right now and he needed her to understand that this wasn't the end for her and that he'd always be there for her.

"You don't have to change your life because of this, millions of people live long, healthy lives every day with this virus. It isn't a death sentence anymore. Do you understand? I'll help you. You're not alone." He reiterated. It seemed like she needed to hear it. She nodded and faced the ground, suddenly very interested in the stray piece of wire that was sitting on the cement. As he looked closer, he saw she was crying, but she wasn't as terrified looking as before. Maybe he was getting through.

His mind wandered to 6 months ago, even though it was none of his business, his mind automatically tried to figure out when she had been infected. How this could have happened to the smartest girl he knew. Digg was aware she wasn't always careful when it came to missions and impulse control in the field, but he had been there for most of the events that she was injured, or that….Then finally it hit him. Like a lightning strike, the revelation almost physically knocked him down. Felicity saw the shift in his expression, knowing he'd figured out when she was most likely exposed.

"Count Vertigo." He said simply. Answering the unspoken question.

She nodded her head silently. He was learning to immediately hate that nod of her head, it always meant that he was right about whatever terrible thing he was thinking. He assumed The Count must have used a dirty needle on her at some point during the kidnapping. But then…

"Wait, I thought you had Oliver had said that he hadn't had a chance to inject you with anything. Did I still have a fever, did I get my facts wrong?" Digg was momentarily confused at this line of thinking. Maybe he had forgotten something? He was pretty out of it that whole day.

"No, you didn't miss anything. We told you the truth." Felicity said, removing herself from his grasp once more uncomfortably. She'd hope he'd put it together himself. He had mercifully figured everything else out up to this point without her having to explain too much. But he just stood there, furrowed brow, and she couldn't take it anymore.

-Flashback-

_Felicity sat in Oliver's office. She was tied to a chair and gagged, Count Vertigo had found her and figured her out. Her hair was a mess, she had been crying, and she felt like an idiot, a stupid idiot for going out unprotected. Her wrists were hurting where they were bound tightly to the chair, but she still struggled out of desperation. She was in the hands of a lunatic. She had know way of knowing what he would do with her. He was rambling on about something, something about Oliver. He had clearly figured everything out. It was her fault that he did. Why did she keep her stupid badge on her when she knew there was a risk of getting caught? She had been so desperate to help Diggle that she wasn't thinking straight._

"_Felicity Smoak."_

_She jerked her head up at her name. The way he said it would haunt her nightmares for months, maybe years, she thought._

"_I have a clear, and decisive plan, Ms. Smoak. I hold you here, I torture you a little, you know, no big deal, then I call up Oliver Queen, a.k.a. The Hood or The Arrow, or whatever he's calling himself these days. After I call him he does whatever I say, he never knows about what is about to happen and then I kill him. If he doesn't do what I say, we go to Plan B. Which is I tell him about everything I'm about to do to you here, then I kill you in front of him, then I kill him. I'm assuming he's going to resist, so I'm actually kind of looking forward to seeing his face when he learns about our…little time together. So, are you just his assistant? Or are you his assistant with benefits? Or, hopefully the best option, does he love you? I mean, he obviously cares enough about you to keep you involved in BOTH of his little businesses. Oh? So quiet?"_

_He ripped of her gag and she spit on him, earning a gun to her forehead. _

"_Oh girly, from now on you'll be real complacent. We don't wanna go to Plan B without Oliver here to witness it do we? I mean, I will kill you, and I'll leave you body here for him to find. Maybe I'll even wait til he comes into work tomorrow. Won't even call, won't write. Just let him walk through those elevator doors and see you still tied to this god forsaken chair, head blown off. Nice and messy." He was circling her, contemplating her premature death, all the while running the gun along her head._

_Felicity just stayed quiet, she didn't want to say anything to set him off. He was crazy, how was she to know what his crazy person triggers were._

"_That's right, nice and quiet. Now you're learning. If I want you to shut up, you shut up, if I want you to scream, you better scream. If I want you to say my name…you get my drift?"_

_Felicity gulped and just looked at his eyes. He wasn't bluffing. Oliver didn't even know she was missing yet. She didn' t have enough time for him to figure it out and come rescue her. Diggle was down. She had no one. It was her, and him. He could do with her what he wanted. If she wanted to stay alive she'd have to get through this. Although she didn't know how._

"_Are you paying attention Ms. Smoak? I said open your mouth. We are doing a little obedience training."_

_She hesitated, but only for a moment, doing what he said. He slowly slid the nozzle of the gun inside her mouth and moved it around to make her open it wider. Her breaths were rapid and shallow. She was definitely having a panic attack, she just hoped that she'd be able to calm herself enough to do as she was told._

"_Gooooood. Very nice. Now for the fun part." He warned, slowly removing the gun from her mouth and moving it across her skin down to her breasts. With one hand he undid her back zipper, keeping the other hand with the gun square at her chest. As the zipper was undone, he brought the top of her dress down to her elbows to uncover her bra and the top of her torso. Felicity felt every touch like it was acid burning her skin. She flinched every time he exposed another part of her bare skin and wanted to vomit by the sheer fact that he could see her in her bra, let alone what he could do to her still._

_It seemed like he could read her mind._

"_Oh this is nothing yet. The fun is just beginning. You are perfect, it's a wonder he hasn't tried to get in on this yet. Or has he?"_

_Felicity was angry at his implications, but suddenly whimpered at his hand on her breast. He grabbed it softly,rolling her nipple in one hand, gun pointed at her throat with the other. As she whimpered, he shoved the gun under her neck harder and squeezed her breast painfully._

"_What did we say about noise Ms. Smoak? You talk when I want you to talk!" His voice was different this time. Angry, loud. It startled her along with the rough squeeze of her breast. She kept quiet, clamping her lips shut, but shed one tear from the pain and fear. It was happening. This was actually happening to her right now. How? Vertigo seemed to calm as she started the cry silently. He liked that he could keep her under control through the pain he was causing her. Finally letting go of her breast, Felicity huffed out a breath. He moved the gun down her torso as far as it would go pointing it downward in between her legs. She could fell the cold steel of the gun tight in between her skin and the fabric of her dress. It was low enough to cause her abs to tighten and flinch from the sensation. Normally, she would like someone touching her bare skin there, but right now, it just felt like a nauseating violation. She had to try her best to keep from flinching as he pushed as far down as he could go with her dress still bunched at her elbows. It went down far enough. She closed her eyes as the nozzle of the gun touched her panties at the waist. _

_Felicity wanted to cry out. She wanted to scream at him to stop, but she knew that would mean a quick and humiliating death on the floor of her and Oliver's office. She bit her lip, almost drawing blood as his other hand suddenly reaching her knee and slid slowly up her inner thigh towards it's inevitable destination. He was waiting for her to open her eyes intently. As soon as he reach her warm panties and place a finger inside them touching her, she popped her eyes open in horror. Vertigo put on a wicked grin that she would remember forever. He was crouched in front of her, one hand on a gun inside her dress, the other running the length of her clit and surrounding area softly. She looked up at the ceiling, wanting to disappear. The last thing she wanted right now would be for Oliver to walk in to rescue her and see this. She'd rather Vertigo kill her right there. She was glad he was going to wait to call Oliver now. It had gone to far. She would never be the same, and she would never be able to tell him what happened here. It would kill him. If he knew she wouldn't be able to look him in the face._

_As the inevitable moisture grew between her legs, she shed more tears. Vertigo now pulled the gun out from her dress, she sighed in relief. But he immediately put it back to her chin. Letting out a breath as he mercifully broke contact with his other hand, she grew pale again as he removed her panties all together. He smiled again as he pushed her dress all the way up, to where it rumpled at her waist. She was fully exposed from her waist down and he pulled her closer to the edge of the chair. The position itself was painful for her, as her arms were still bound and now bent at an awkward angle. _

_Felicity dared to lower her head again, she didn't want to see herself, or Vertigo. On the other hand, she felt like if she could see what he was about to do, then she could brace herself. It was as bad as she could have feared. She was horrified see the bulge in his pants as he was rubbing his dick over his jeans right in front of her face. She wanted to be sick again. She would never be able to think about sleeping soundly again. The gun was under her chin so she could move too much without angering him. Though he seemed to be losing himself a little in his ecstasy. She turned her head to the side, knowing exactly where this was going. Unfortunately, that was the wrong move, he took his hand from his crotch and grabbed her face turning it back towards him. _

"_You will WATCH! And you will ENJOY IT! Trust me girl, you've never had anything like this. Sex without a gun to your head, it takes all the fun out of it! You'll never be able to do it any other way!"_

_At this point, Felicity was inclined to agree, she could imagine ever having sex again after this night. It would HAVE to be at gun point._

_Vertigo, now satisfied that he had her attention, started unzipping his pants and pulling them completely off, switching his gun hand to facilitate his movements. Felicity had only been with two other men previous to this. Her college boyfriend, and one guy that she dated for a short time just after moving to Starling. Neither of them too impressive when it came to size. Though Vertigo was only average, he was still bigger than they had been, which means she knew it would hurt her more than she wanted to think about. She was broken from her gaze when he suddenly touched her again, roughly shoving two fingers inside of her. Felicity opened her mouth to scream, but didn't let anything come out through fear. Being satisfied with the look of shock and pain on her face, he grew even harder. His grin grew even sicker and wider. If she could comprehend anything at that point, she would have registered a short, disgusting laugh that emerged from his lips. _

_Felicity's mind went blank, like her body and brain where no longer connected, as she no longer had any desire to control any part of this situation any longer. He noticed the switch flip and didn't let it._

"_Hey Felicity, may I call you Felicity, I feel like we know each other pretty well by this point wouldn't you say? You may answer."_

"_No."_

"_No? No I may not call you Felicity? Oh, you are fiery aren't you. Open your mouth." Vertigo said, panting through the excursion he was putting forth moving in and out of Felicity with his fingers. She didn't comply right away, overcome by pain and sensations that were making her ill._

"_I SAID OPEN. YOUR. MOUTH!" He yelled in her face, gun pushing hard under her chin. Felicity had no choice but to do as he said. She opened her mouth slightly, apprehensive about what was about the happen._

"_Open wider, and stick out your pretty little tongue." She complied again, horrified as to where this could go. Suddenly he roughly pulled his fingers out of her and wiped them on her tongue so she could taste herself. She gagged and almost threw up immediately when she glanced down after the shock, and saw blood mixed in on his fingers. He must have cut her at some point with his nails as he roughly assaulted her._

"_Ah ah ahhh…We are all enjoying this remember? Speaking of enjoyment, let's get this show on the road, you've had your fun, Felicity." Her eyes widened as he reached down and grabbed his hard member, bringing it up to her face. She involuntarily brought her tongue back into her mouth and closed it._

"_NO! Stick you tongue out, like the obedient, bitch dog that I taught you to be!" He spit in her face as he yelled, but she uncertainly did as she was told. He had moved the gun to her forehead, right between her eyes. He brought the head of his dick up to her face and rubbed it up and down her tongue._

"_Lick it. Do you like that, you like how I taste? Lick it like you would lick Oliver Queen." He taunted. That was the worst possible thing he could have said. Any possibility of a sexual relationship between her and Oliver, however unlikely it was, had already gone down the tubes when this began. But with those words, she would never be able to perform any type of sex act like this without hearing Vertigo's voice in her head, calling her by her name, and calling her out on her embarrassing crush on her boss and the city's hero. _

_She did the best she could to flatten her tongue and lick his head as he held it in place, rubbing up and down. He moaned at the sensation, but more for the fact that she was bending to his will. After a number of strokes, he began speaking again. This time ragged and breathy. 'God I hope he's getting close to ending this.' Felicity thought. As he spoke he pulled his cock away from her face and moving his mouth just inches from her._

"_Because I like fiery, rambunctious women, and because this is a 38 story building that is currently empty of all humans. I shall allow you to speak, scream, yell, cry and make all the noise you want for the time being. Actually, the louder the better, I stay hard longer with encouragement."_

_Felicity, thinking about the implications of what he had just said, didn't make a peep. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction, not to mention keep him going longer than he needed. He only snarled into a sick laugh at her attempt to stay quiet. _

_He put the gun at her chest again, grabbing her ass with his other hand and pulling her closer to him. She could feel him stroking her clit and her entrance with the head of his cock as head ground up and down slightly. When he had her in the position he wanted her he jammed himself inside of her violently and without warning. She could hold back to scream that she let out right then. It was much more painful than she had anticipated. He must have really hurt her while he was using his fingers earlier. If just the one trust was that painful, she could only imagine what the rest would be like. She only had to wait a moment. Once he had buried himself inside her as far as he could go, he grunted and held the position around her as she screamed, feeling himself get harder from the tortured cry. He grunted as she felt tighter because if it. Moaning, then regaining his composure for a few seconds, he thrusted backwards, and then into her again even harder. Felicity screamed again, the pain getting more intense. She was crying again now. Maybe she hadn't stopped. She couldn't tell anymore. _

_As he started to build a hard rhythm, she could tell he was enjoying himself even more by the second. She started to feel blinded by the pain, not being able to see properly, she took it as a blessing. She was breathing rapidly, somewhere along the line she had stopped screaming, realizing subconsciously it was prolonging her agony. As her thoughts strayed to Oliver, she immediately them away. She didn't want to be thinking about him as this was happening. Everything hurt and felt like it was on fire from her abs down to her toes. Hurt wrists were throbbing and she realized she had been tugging violently against her restraints without thinking about it. Something that had been causing her so much pain earlier, was now a mere afterthought. _

_Thankfully as she had stopped screaming a few minutes before and was now concentrating on breathing in and out, Vertigo started to slow. He had realized he gotten all the screaming and "encouragement" he was going to get, and decided it was time to let go and finish quick. His merciful slowing ended as fast as it had begun when he began pounding toward his release. This was the worst part by far. Felicity ground her teeth and grunted through, trying not to scream and knowing it would be over soon and she could crawl under a rock and die. Maybe he would be merciful and he would just shoot her. At this point she couldn't think about Oliver and his feelings, or her dignity. That was gone. She just wanted it to be over._

_Finally, with a few jerky thrusts and moans, she felt his warm release inside of her, stinging her internal injuries. She sighed in mutual disgust and relief that it was over. She would never be able to shower this off of her. She would feel him inside her forever. He stayed in his position for a minute getting his bearings. Still inside her. She had closed her eyes when she felt him stop, she didn't want to see his face. He moved the gun from her forehead to her throat and roughly pulled out. Felicity groaned at the uncomfortable feeling._

"_Good job dog. My next dig I'm going to name 'Felicity'. Hopefully she's as quiet and obedient as you. You really didn't put up any fight did you." He was pulling up his pants, not even bothering to wipe himself off. She almost vomited again when she open her eyes at his words and saw blood on his dick from her injuries he'd caused. He left her there, half naked, crying, tied to a chair, and bleeding. When he came back he had a towel from the executive bathroom. He wiped her off, any pressure being painful on her right now._

"_We don't wanna give away our little Plan B reveal when he comes in, do we? What's the fun in that? I want to be the one to tell him, to see the realization in his eyes that because if him, you got to enjoy our time together that much more."_

_After cleaning her and the chair, he pulled her panties back on, pulled her skirt down and fixed the top of her dress hiding the bruises he'd caused._

_To add insult to injury, he walked over to her desk and picked up the name plate looking at her name. He took the towel and locked it in her top drawer with her keys so only she would be able to find it later. A painful, disgusting reminder of that night. Like she needed one. He then took her phone, and called Oliver._

"He didn't use any needles on me, John." She stated flatly. Felicity would refuse to say the word, she hated the word more than anything. It made her feel dirty, useless, and like a victim. She HATED feeling like a victim. She REALLY HATED the idea of others seeing her as a victim once this came out. That's why she had been so guarded. Enough people had let her down in her life, she didn't need her Arrow family thinking less of her. Or worse, coddling her like she couldn't take care of herself. She's taken care of this situation just fine without their help so far.

Diggle took about one second to figure out what her statement meant. A horrifying truth that see hadn't told them about. A secret that has clearly been tearing her apart by the look on her face right now. She had no more secrets left. She looked exposed, but strangely stronger. He had seen all the emotions cross her face after she said the words and it was like reading an open book. A book that he had read a million times before, but all the sudden the ending changed. The characters were different. The entire plot of her life in the past 6 months was something entirely different than he had thought it was. Diggle thought back on all the expressions and moments over the course of that time and reevaluated all of her faces, her movements, her decisions.

"Stop overanalyzing me John, I'm still me." Felicity said, clearly on the defensive already.

"I'm just…I'm stunned, I'm trying to figure out what you've been through and I can't possibly imagine." He said, fairly ineloquently.

Felicity just looked to the side breaking his gaze again and put her fingers to the bridge of her nose. She was sick of crying today. It was a very stressful week and she just wanted to be through this and back to normal. Or what she guessed would be her new normal. Tiptoeing around John because he knew her secret, and hiding the rest from Oliver and Roy. Trying not to seem like the fractured soul that she had become. Diggle saw this all on her face. She was done for the day. She couldn't take any more. He didn't want to press her anymore than she had just pressed herself.

"Felicity?" Diggle said breaking the quiet.

She opened one of her squinted eyes and looked at him wearily over her glasses in response. Her fingers still pinching the bridge of her nose willing her stress headache away.

"Thank you for telling me, and for worrying about me. I love you for it." Diggle said, getting a little of his articulateness back, thankfully.

"Well, you're the only one I felt comfortable telling. Plus, you needed to know. Not only because of the accident, but because you do most of the medical stuff, and you know…because you're my best friend. I don't know how much longer I'd have been able to keep it from you without losing my mind." She could finally rest easy and just be honest. She huffed out a tired, exasperated sigh.

"I don't know about you…but I need a drink. Or five." Diggle joked. He felt like she needed him just to be him right now. Not to be the only guy that knew she was raped and was now HIV Positive. She definitely appreciated it though.

"Or 9? Yes, please." She smiled for the first time that day. She relaxed into his arm as he placed it around her shoulders.

"Fix your hat, you look like a little kid." Diggle said teasingly.

"Shut up! I like it like this, it says out of my face!" Felicity responded as they headed towards the door.

"Hey we should go to some fancy pants joint all decked out in our 'lair building' clothes." Digg joked.

"Do you think they'll appreciate the dirt on my pants? Maybe they'll be able to tell I've been sitting on a cement floor for 6 hours?" Felicity immediately hit back.

"Oh yeah, and the sweat on my back? I probably smell like roses. Lyla is going to love it later."

"Ew, tell me you're going to shower before you go to bed, because you really do smell gross."

"Ok Miss 'Let's Go To The Park And Skateboard After School And Then We Can Go Listen To Some Hip Indie Vinyls At My Mom's House'."

Felicity just burst out laughing, the most sincere, belly laugh he'd heard from her in months. It made Diggle smile. He'd cry at home. She didn't need that from him. She had her own despair and heartache to deal with right now. She was right, everything was going to change. But he thought, maybe it doesn't have to change or the worse. Maybe now they'll start appreciating each other more, and making sure they live everyday enjoying the company of the people they love.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N due to an overwhelmingly amazing response from a few readers, and some unfinished thoughts, I decided to continue this story. Who knows how long. But it's fun to write, and an interesting topic that could really go anywhere sooooo I'm going for it! Thanks for the support. I'm just as proud of this chapter as the first. I'm in the zone. Enjoy. This one has a couple dark moments but it's much lighter over all.

The plan for a fun night out started out well and good, until it was time to leave. Diggle had let Felicity drink it out for a while, hell he needed it too after the night they'd had. He had even expected it to turn sour at some point. No one could hold in all of those emotions for so long and not explode once someone knew, and they were able to freely discuss it. He just didn't expect the level of explosion that was happening.

So here he was, standing in Felicity's living room watching her as she sat on the floor. The room had been destroyed. Luckily, Felicity had been forced to move after her condo was destroyed in Slade's town wide offensive. This new house she was renting was more private, and had anyone been living within 50 yards of her they would have called the cops thinking she was being attacked. Instead, she was the one doing the attacking. Her lamps, her dishes, her furniture, anything she could physically pick up and throw, had been overturned. Diggle just watched on, making sure she didn't drunkenly hurt herself. He had only stopped her once, when she headed over to her TV, she clearly was about to demolish it with the leg of one of her chairs. 'You'll regret that one in the morning, those are expensive.' was all he said to her. He took the leg of the chair out of her hand and she huffed. When he pointed over to a cheap vase on the other side of the room she could throw instead, she was effectively deterred.

He had called Lyla earlier in the night telling her not to wait up, and that he was helping Felicity through something. He'd also told her there was a distinct possibility he would be drunk and sleeping on Felicity's couch, which has since be ripped apart by kitchen shears. He wanted to call Oliver but that was out of the question. Felicity trusted him, and it was her secret to tell. His burden to bear with her now, and he would gladly bear it if it helped her through. He imagined that he would react the same was if he'd gotten the news she'd gotten the previous day.

Felicity had soft tears running down her face now, face buried in her hands as she was in a ball on her floor. Thankfully, Diggle had not tried to touch her or approach her, she was too sensitive after her meltdown. She'd be ok, but needed a few minutes to gather herself back together. She wasn't embarrassed, she was too drunk for that. Felicity trusted Diggle to let her let lose and not judge her. He had proved himself earlier. He loved her, and he wasn't going anywhere. Unfortunately for her, stopping and gathering her thoughts meant her body started to register the alcohol and begin to protest.

Diggle had also expected this.

"John I'm gonna be sick. Can you help me up?" Felicity asked after a deep breath.

Digg immediately walked over and put his hand out for her to take. He wanted to make sure she felt in control of their contact. After everything she'd told him tonight, he never wanted her to feel helpless or afraid again. He also knew he couldn't be overbearing like Oliver would be, she wouldn't have any of that. Digg decided he just needed to be there, and be him, and if she asked for help give it to her.

Felicity took his hand and carefully pulled herself up, after all the alcohol and physical exertion, she was more than just a little wobbly. Upon standing, she took a moment to steady herself, holding on to Digg's arm for support. She closed her eyes for a second, and that was a big mistake. A wave of nausea hit her hard and she ran to the bathroom, dispelling about 5 or 6 whiskey sours. She had lost count at the bar.

Diggle was sitting on the edge of her tub. He had whispered soothing words to her and rubbed her back while she was being sick, but now she was just slumped on the floor against the wall. She was looking thoroughly miserable. Felicity had her cap crumpled in her hands, and was resting her elbows on her knees, face buried in her hands and her cap. Finally, she let out a soft chuckle, catching Diggle's attention.

"Attractive right? I'm sure this is totally how you had planned on your night going when you woke up this morning." She lifted her head up and smiled weakly at Digg. Her pale face still a little bit sweaty. She was smiling but looked so sad. He couldn't help think again like he could read her so much better now that he knew.

"I dream about doing this with you every night." Diggle joked, sensing she had sobered somewhat and wanted to get back to banter. She chuckled lightly again.

"I have to get a shower. I'm gross." She declared, getting up from her spot on the floor. She gave a quick thumb pointing out the door. "Out."

Diggle smiled and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "I'm next, I hope you didn't kill any clothes that I could borrow for tomorrow."

"I accidentally stole a 2x polar fleece from some guy at a party my freshman year in college and never gave it back. You can borrow that, but I expect you to return my stolen fleece asap. It's my favorite." She pointed out sternly, wagging her finger.

He let out a small laugh at the image of her in a 2x fleece as she shut the door in his face. He stopped laughing as soon as he got back to the living room and saw the mess. He went into the pantry and grabbed her broom and trashbags, immediately starting to clean up. There were some pretty big pieces of broken furniture and glass and he didn't want her to have to deal with it or to hurt herself. He got all the broken glass fairly quickly, and threw the broken furniture outside in the back by her fire pit. May as well make use of the damaged goods. He had a feeling he'd be spending a lot of time out here in the spacious back yard for a while to come.

Diggle got sad again, thinking about everything she was going to have to deal with. He wondered if she'd tell Oliver, or Roy, or anyone else. She'd have to at some point right? Their night job is risky and he would think she would want them to know ahead of time, and not be blindsided if she was wounded in the field. God forbid. He'd have to keep an extra close eye on her. It was a stressful, and delicate situation, and he didn't want to push her. He also didn't want to see her in a position where she could get even more stressed out by being pressured to tell the others while on a mission. Ultimately though, it was her decision. He knew the stigma of this disease, and he didn't want to see her be open with someone, just to have them turn around a treat her differently. She was still Felicity, his big bright, tornado of pink and blue, whirl winding through their lives on a daily basis. Digg also knew what she hadn't said yet. How much she loved Oliver, and how this diagnosis is that much more devastating. She's probably thinking that she could never have a future with anyone, including Oliver. She is definitely worried that he will think differently of her, less of her in some way. If Digg was being honest with himself, he doesn't know how Oliver would react to the news. If he would freak out and start breaking things, scaring her. If he would be sensitive and caring. Or if he would just get all angry and guilty about it and brood for eternity, coddling her all along.

He was broken from his thoughts as Felicity stepped onto the back steps to call to him.

"Everything ok out here?"

"Yup, just taking out your new firewood." He called back turning towards the house.

"You didn't have to clean up, it was my mess. I could have done it." She said tiredly as he walked up to where she was standing on the porch.

"But thank you John, I appreciate it. I'm just…I'm such a mess." She ran her hand through her towel dried wavy Blonde hair and sighed. "Sorry you had to see that, it's not the first outburst, and I'm sure it won't be the last." She admitted. He wasn't surprised.

"Yeah, well, you're not the only one who's destroyed their house. Welcome to what being a guy feels like most of the time." Digg explained truthfully.

"Ew. Don't liken me to your kind." She joked flatly.

"I will. And I'm also disgusting, I'm getting a shower. You should watch some television on the TV that I kindly saved. You're welcome by the way." He called as he was walking into the bathroom.

"Thank you John!" She called after him, walking to her kitchen and trying to find a mug in tact for some coffee. She had thankfully had the clarity of mind earlier to save her two favorite mugs from ultimate destruction. Her Dr. Who Union Jack mug, and her limited edition Uhura/Captain Kirk mug, the latter of which set her back $80 on eBay. She loved the idea of hope those to brought to so many when they aired the first interracial kiss on television. Felicity thought back to simpler times when she was so full of that hope. Hope for the love those two represented, the years of their lives to be lived still. Shaking those thoughts out of her head for now, she opted for the Union Jack mug this time. Mainly because she wanted a secret photo op of Digg with the Star Trek mug later. Always thinking ahead, of course.

When John came back out in his previous jeans and her stolen fleece, she already had a sobering cup of coffee waiting for him. She was sitting on the floor leaning against her destroyed couch drinking her coffee. His was sitting in front of her on the not-broken coffee table. It was only 11 pm and it's not like they had work the next day, so John grabbed the coffee and sat next to her to watch the nightly news.

"Normal people problems." Felicity scoffed, as they watched a story about college kids getting into a drunken bar fight, one of them having accidently broken the front window of a bar. "I bet it was about a stupid girl, who was just playing with both of them anyway. College guys are dumb."

"Tell the audience how you really feel." Diggle joked, trying to cut her bitterness.

"Trust me, I have told them how I really feel. MIT remember? There are 72 schools in the immediate area. EVERY bar was a college bar." Felicity said from experience.

"I didn't think you MIT geeks were big barflies during school. I learn more about Felicity Smoak every day." Diggle chuckled as she nudged him with her elbow.

"If you MUST know, I didn't drink during the school year, only during summer break. After I left home, I stayed in Cambridge, well, just outside of Cambridge cause Cambridge was like…expensive. But a lot of the students stuck around or grew up there, so summers tended to get a little crazy. And that's ALL you're getting!" Felicity scolded.

"Is that where you met that lacrosse player/stalker?" Digg asked, ignoring her last statement.

"Oh my god, don't even get me started on Jerry. He came up to me at a bar once, all dressed up in his $70 polo shirt and Lucky Brand jeans. He used the LAMEST pick up line ever, and thought he was god's gift. My friend Julie and I laughed at his face and he got all huffy. From then on, I guess I was some challenge he needed to conquer. He kept doing all these lame things to try and woo me, like I was some fawning sorority sister making him jump through the totally standard hoops. It took me a year to finally convince him that I just wasn't interested, and kind of thought he was a huge douche. Plus, I didn't date Harvard guys." She rambled.

"Oh REALLY? Harvard guys not good enough for our princess?" Digg joked.

"Did I mention the polo shirt? Do I look like a polo shirt guy type of girl?" Felicity asked mockingly?

"I guess not, I don't know what a polo shirt guy type of girl looks like." Digg responded.

"Laurel Lance." Felicity answered in a hilarious dry tone that made Diggle almost spit out his sip of coffee. When he finally got it down, he choked and laughed along with her. After everything that had happened that night, they were actually having a pretty good time.

While they were at the bar, Felicity had started to get very drunk, and began her downward spiral. When she started rambling some of the details of that night with Vertigo to him, he knew it was time to go. He didn't want her drunkenly talking about it in a crowded bar, and regretting it later. In the taxi on the way home, he had heard a couple of the things Vertigo said to her while they were alone, and Digg was thankfully able to deter her rambling until they got back to her place. That's when it all came out. She had started crying as soon as they got out of the cab, and the second she walked through her door, Felicity began screaming and cursing Vertigo's name. Yelling some things that didn't really make a lot of sense to him, but he was assuming it was answers to Vertigo's sick words. At one point she was yelling at Diggle about Vertigo calling her a dog, and an obedient bitch. He was shocked at some of the words that flew out of her mouth in her rage. But she deserved her time. She deserved for someone to hear her anger out. He was glad she trusted him enough to do so, she clearly needed the catharsis. After everything that he's seen and heard, here was this remarkable woman, sitting next to him with her coffee. Lightly reminiscing about her college years and joking around. Unashamed, unbroken, stronger than ever. Diggle couldn't help thinking she was stronger than all of them combined. She was like a super soldier of mental fortitude. He smiled lightly at the thought as she continued to ramble about her bets with other computer science groups at the other schools, and challenges they would make for each other. About her first college roommate who, after watching too much Buffy, Felicity was convinced she was a demon from hell. He didn't know if she just wasn't tired, or if she was afraid to go to sleep after the intensity of the day, but eventually she looked physically exhausted and he had to put an end to the ramblings.

"Alright Supergirl. It's late, we need to get some sleep if we're going to be any good against these hangovers tomorrow."

"Ugh, it's going to be the worst. Can't we just play hookie?" Felicity begged with doe eyes.

"Felicity, you know it's not a real job right? We don't punch a clock anymore. Not until Queen Consolidated gets back up and running anyway. We can go in or not go in whenever we want." Diggle reminded mockingly.

"Oh, you're totally right." She sighed. "But then Oliver will ask questions and he'll be all suspicious and I'll have to lie and OH MY GOD now you'll have to lie! Oh my god I'm so sorry I put you in that position! PLEASE don't feel like you need to lie for me. Oh my god this is a nightmare!" She had gotten up and started pacing immediately, having not thought about Diggle's position before.

"Felicity, girl. Sit down and relax please. Of all the things you have to worry about in this situation, I am the LAST thing you need to concern yourself with. This is your life, not mine alright? Are we sitting, can we sit back down please?" He assured.

She slowly sat back down and he followed.

"So, have you given any thought to what you're going to do?" He asked, getting serious.

"About what, there are so many topics up in the air you need to be a little more specific." She said with a knowing but sad smile.

"About Oliver." Digg said simply.

Felicity knew what he was talking about. She had avoided this topic all night, with the exception of her crazy person outburst, where she's pretty sure she drunkenly said some things that she'll regret in the morning about her feelings for Oliver. It's not like it was a big secret. Everyone, especially Diggle who could read her like a book, knew how she felt about the man behind the green hood. It was one of the things that was making her new HIV status so difficult for her to accept. She'd never get the big dream. Never get that normal, everyday, happy ending all those people keep talking about. Everything was so complicated before, but now, it's gotten out of control. All the lies swirling around were making her dizzier than the alcohol.

"I don't know yet. It's not like I really had a chance to be with him before, but now it's like…" She just scoffed and rubbed her forehead, the headache already beginning.

"Well you don't have to make any decisions now. Figure it out when you figure it out. It's nobody else's business. I'm just worried about your stress level. I mean I know telling them will be stressful, but you might be relieved to not have to worry about it. I'm sure you'll be taking a lot of meds, that will be tricky to hide." Diggle reminded.

"Damn it. I start tomorrow, I didn't even think about that. It's not like I can casually pop into the bathroom before and after every meal for the rest of my life. I think that would raise a red flag." She said miserably.

"Well you know, I'll cover for you girl, but it's something you have to start thinking about. Do you want to have to hide it all the time? I mean, you could always just take the meds and when they question it tell them to 'buzz off it's none of their business'. I can just imagine Oliver's face. Please warn me if that's your plan so I can take a picture." Diggle said seriously

Felicity let out a single laugh at the thought.

"I don't know, as entertaining as that sounds, I think I have to tell them something. It can be like a 'Tell the truth but maybe not the whole gory detailed truth' situation for now? What do you think?"

"Your life, your choice. That's the motto of this amazingly smart, awesome best friend of mine. I can't tell you what to do, you know where I stand on it. I'm just worried about you. The added stress wouldn't be good for you. That's unfortunately a type of thing we have to worry about now." Diggle got very real, very fast, and left Felicity's head spinning for a second. She looked away towards the large bag on her table from the pharmacy. She had picked up the prescriptions yesterday after lunch, and was to start them ASAP in the morning, as per her doctor's orders. He explained the details of each one, and how it would be tricky at first to get her cocktail perfect. That there would be side effects until the dosages are tweaked just right. That there would still be side effects AFTER the dosages are perfect. She had all these rules to follow, including staying away from stressful situations. Diggle saw her wheels in her head turning hard, and followed her gaze to the large white paper bag.

"Hey, how about we do it?" Diggle said vaguely.

"Do what?" Felicity said as she snapped out of her thoughts, confused.

"How about we play hookie? I'll call Oliver in the morning and tell him that I woke up here and we're both hungover. You work every day there and you deserve a day off to be a drunken heathen." Diggle said.

"But, what about Oliver? He's gonna ask all these questions and I'm not ready for…" She started but was cut off.

"…Yeah yeah yeah, questions, suspicion blah blah blah, I get it. I'll handle it. Don't worry about it. You're going to need at least a day to figure out what havoc those little pills over there are going to wreak on your body anyway. And if you think you're going through that at the lair or by yourself, you're nuts." He said sternly.

"But Lyla…" Felicity started again.

"…Lyla is pregnant, she's not sick, and we don't even live together. She's working anyway. Lyla has made it quite clear that she doesn't need me…and I quote…'Up her ass all the time, checking to make sure she's ok'."

Felicity waited a beat, considering his words carefully. She knew she might get sick and need help, but she also didn't like the idea of being seen like that. Although, he had just seen her screaming obscenities, cutting up her own couch, then puking in the toilet.

Digg noticed her doubting herself.

"Nope, I'm not taking no for an answer. You have the biggest, nerdiest SciFi TV show DVD collection known to man, and I'm sick of you making references that I don't understand. By god, I will get through Series One of the new Dr. Who if it kills me, and then we shall move on to this David Tennant fellow you're always babbling about. If he's not the coolest person I've ever seen on a television screen, I'm going to be so bitter." Diggle said, all the whole taking her chin into his hand and not breaking eye contact.

His serious tone mixed with the ridiculous rant he just went on cracked Felicity completely. Still a little bit drunk, she melted into a fit of giggles, leaning against him for support so she didn't fall over. They laughed for a good few minutes until they finally settled. She had eventually just laid on the floor.

"It feels good to laugh again John." She said, head resting on his leg.

"Yes, I can imagine."

"Tomorrow is going to suck isn't it." She asked, at peace with it for the time being.

"Maybe, maybe not, we'll see" He reassured. "Either way, we'll do it together. Us, and of course the Doctor."

She smiled again and slapped his arm.

"I think I'm in a pretty good place though. I mean. Now." She said gesturing towards her couch.

"I think you'll be alright. Let's go get some sleep, I got the floor, since…you know." Diggle mimicked her jerky couch gesture.

"Well now I feel bad. But honestly, you wouldn't fit into my bed if you tried, it's only a full."

"Oh yeah. I'd have my whole leg hanging off, I'd probably be more comfortable on the floor anyway."

He helped her up, and walked her to her room. Sitting her on the bed, he walked away and came back with a glass of water. He made sure she drank the entire thing before filling it back up and putting the new one on the nightstand. She was already under her covers when he came back in, pillow over her head. She had thrown a pillow on the floor for him and two extra blankets.

He turned off the light and she sighed. "Thank god, it was so bright."

He chuckled and laid down, watching her until he was sure she was asleep and then closed his eyes. All he could do was think about the day. He knew he wasn't going to get much sleep worrying about her all night, but he wanted to make sure he got at least a few hours so he could be fresh the next day if she needed him.


	3. Chapter 3

When Diggle walked through Felicity's front door at 11 the next morning, she was sitting on one of her two remaining dining room chairs. She was miserably eating a banana and staring at the two piles of pills in front of her. They were her lunch and dinnertime pills that she had counted and separated out. She took her morning pills while Diggle was gone. At 7 am, he had gotten up and told her he would be back in a couple of hours. That he needed to grab a couple things. She just nodded sleepily and fell back asleep until 9, remarkably non-hungover. Upon waking, she decided to take her morning meds alone. She didn't have a problem doing it while Digg was there, but she felt like she needed to take that first step by herself. She wasn't always going to have somebody to hold her hand through it, so why not start off on her own two feet. Making sure to have some toast and an extra protein bar first, she downed the first dose, hands shaking. That was at 9:45. She'd been counting the rest of the pills out and staring at them ever since.

"Hey." Diggle said as he calmly came in without knocking. She jerked her head up as he spoke, breaking her from her daze.

"What's up?" Diggle asked, about 5 bags in his strong hands.

Felicity didn't answer immediately, just looked down at the bags confusedly. She furrowed her brow and pointed towards them.

Diggle plopped them, not very gracefully, on the dining room table and turned around to go back towards the door.

"You broke everything, dummy." He called out as he headed back towards the car to get more things. Felicity slowly stood up to investigate. Upon looking in the bags she saw new plates, same color as her last ones; new glassware; a vase; at least 4 new picture frames; and various other breakable things that she had gone after the night before. By the time she had successfully snooped through everything, Diggle was back at the door, carrying two chairs. They were identical to her current, unbroken dining room chairs. She put her hands up to her mouth at that and gasped, just letting it sink in what he had done.

"You alright?" Diggle asked cheekily, with a slight smile. He knew exactly what her reaction would be.

"You…" was all she could get out as she pointed to him putting the chairs down at the table.

"Well, you can't go around NOT having dishes and furniture and stuff. Kind of necessary, kid." Diggle said with a smile, turning back around to the door again.

"What…else…" He was gone again before she was able to finish her question. AS she walked over to the door to see what else he could possibly have gotten, her jaw dropped. There was a Home Depot truck in her driveway and two men were halfway up to her door carrying a new couch. How Diggle would have ever gotten this together so quickly she didn't have a clue. He walked in, gently moving her to the side out of the way to let the delivery guys in. They set the new couch down to the side and lifted the damaged couch, taking it back out to the truck. Diggle moved the couch to the correct place on his own as Felicity just watched, mouth still open, tears in her eyes but not falling.

When he was done moving the couch, he went out again, tipped the moving guys, went over to his car and got a few more bags. He came back in walking right by a frozen Felicity and to the kitchen, where he put the bags on the floor and started unloading actual food into her cabinets and fridge.

"John? How…?" Felicity started again, still in shock.

"You're going to have to start using your words, I can read your mind to an extent, but I'm not psychic Felicity." Diggle joked, as he just continued unloading the groceries.

Felicity just shook her head at the joke and smiled. She couldn't believe he could make her smile today. She didn't say anything else, but just walked over to the bags with the glassware and started putting things away in the cupboards. Diggle didn't miss her toss the second half of the banana in the trash.

Sober Felicity was surprised how many things Drunk Felicity had actually broken. She was going to owe him for all of this. You know, as soon as she got a real job. Felicity had gone back to her old tricks of writing software patches remotely to get by on her rent and expenses, but that was teenager money. $600 a week at most, considering she didn't have much free time hanging out at the lair all day. She was paying an arm and a leg for insurance now, and her prescriptions weren't the cheapest things ever. At a certain point, everything flared up inside her again and she rushed over to Diggle hugging him hard from behind.

"Thank you John. This was…this was amazing. I don't know how you did it…but thanks." Felicity muffled into his large back. He just grabbed her hands and held them until she let go. They finished up in the kitchen and he looked at his watch.

"It's almost noon, should I start to get lunch together? I haven't eaten yet and I'm starving." He poked at the issue, feeling it out.

"I just ate a couple hours ago, give me an hour or so. But help yourself, you bought everything." She smiled and jabbed his ribs. "I'm going to eventually be mad at you for all this you know." She scolded on her way into the living room.

"Yeah, you can be mad all you want on that brand new, big comfy couch of yours." He chided back playfully.

She giggled to herself at his comment and went over to the couch. Now for the big test. She turned around and flopped heavily down onto it on her back.

"Ahhhhh….Oh my god John, this is so much better than my old couch!" She said loudly. Felicity reveled in the laying position; she had started to get tired as the day wore on. 'Not enough sleep and too much drunky' she thought to herself. She opened her eyes to Diggle sitting on the couch, her feet on his lap, eating a sandwich and watching the news.

"Whoa." Felicity said a little startled.

"What?" Diggle turned to her concerned for a second.

"When did I fall asleep? I just lay down two seconds ago." She questioned.

"Hmmm…I don't know, about a half hour ago I guess? I figured you were still a little tired from last night." Digg answered nonchalantly, not showing concern.

"Oh…hmm. Weird. What time is it?" Felicity asked, sitting up and stretching wearily.

"News says 12:26. You hungry yet?" Digg asked casually again.

"Not really, but I guess I should eat something and take my poison." Felicity groaned back.

"Hey, that poison will save your life, treat it with respect. Huh? I like you alive and well thank you very much." Diggle said, his words were playful, but his tone more serious.

"You're right. Thank Google we have them right?" Felicity said and she started to get up to fix herself something.

"Nah, you stay here, I got it." Diggle said with a hand on her shoulder, getting up to quick for her to refuse.

"John, I can…"

"Stop, you're still tired from your little stunt yesterday, I got it. I am a big, strong, OLD man who can handle my alcohol better. What do you want?" He didn't take no for an answer.

Felicity huffed at the implication that she could handle her alcohol. Sure she didn't drink much, but she felt like she was a trooper for a while last night. That was a lot of whiskey.

"Fine, for that INSULT, you have to make me lunch." She folded her arms across her chest and stuck her nose up in the air, before bursting into giggles.

"Alright, alright, I'm standing here, your window is closing brat." Digg replied. Mimicking with his arms now folded across his chest as well.

"Umm…do I have PB&J? That's fine for now, I'm not that hungry and it's nice and light."

"Coming right up." Digg went into the kitchen and she immediately flipped the channel. She had to deal with bad stuff every other day, she didn't feel like dealing with bad news on her day off too. Felicity had only been channel surfing for about 2 minutes when her cell rang from the coffee table. She glanced down nervous. It was Oliver, as expected. Her heart did a flutter, also as expected.

"JOHN!?" She yelled quickly.

"What is it!?" Digg came out concerned.

"It's Oliver! What do I say?" Felicity said worriedly, heart racing.

"It's ok, I called earlier to give him the hangover story. He's probably just checking up to see if you're ok and too maybe laugh at you." Diggle chuckled, but she wasn't laughing. She was freaking out. She ran her hand through her hair as her phone stopped ringing and went to voicemail. She took the extra time to steady her nerves. She knew he'd call back. Sure enough, the buzzing started again immediately.

Felicity warily looked at it, and slowly picked it up, hitting the green button to pick up.

"Hey Oliver." She managed to squeak out.

"Hey ya lush, how you feeling?" Oliver laughed.

Of course he was laughing, he rarely got a chance to laugh at her drunken expense. That was specifically designed that way by her.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up OLLIE. Don't think I don't have pictures of you in various states of inebriation." She scolded back.

Diggle chuckled at that one and went back to the kitchen, seeing her ease up a bit. He was definitely starting to worry about how she'd handle all this after seeing her reaction to Oliver just calling. He can't imagine what anxiety she'll have for actually seeing him.

He was just finishing up her sandwich, when he heard Felicity's signature groan of frustration that only Oliver can bring out of her.

He came in and saw her "Annoyed at Oliver" Face. She made it whenever he teased her or frustrated her.

Handing her the sandwich, he resumed his spot at the end of the couch and let her vent about Oliver. He could tell it was mostly sadness and emotional turmoil, but she masked it with jovial fake anger. She said how he was a hypocrite to call her out on drinking when he used to get hammered all the time. That he has no right to judge her for taking a day off and that she works hard enough without him questioning her every move. She ate most of her sandwich and took her pills, all the while still questioning Oliver's tactics.

Eventually, after 15 minutes of this, Diggle decided to stop her rant in it tracks.

"You know he just does it because he cares about you." Digg said, as a statement, not a question.

Felicity shut up right there and stared at him for a few seconds.

"Stop that, you know I don't like it when you talk like that." She said suddenly serious, and getting oddly pale.

"No, it's true, I won't stop because you know how you feel, and YOU know how you feel and he knows how he feels, but he won't tell you because he's afraid of losing you. News flash Felicity, you have a serious, life threatening illness, and he's going to keep you at arm's length because he thinks he has no time, and that you have all the time in the world. He wants you to go off and find somebody to grow old with because he doesn't want you getting hurt with him. Oliver assumes that his lifespan is cut short because of what he does, and he doesn't want you to follow in his path. But what about YOUR lifespan!? What he doesn't know is killing you! And what he hasn't told you…is ALSO KILLING YOU!" Diggle immediately saw the gravity of his words reflected in her face and snapped his mouth shut. Thinking for a moment, he was horrified over what he had just put out there. The color drained from Felicity's face and she couldn't speak, she just stared at him for a minute, jaw slightly agape in shock.

Digg didn't know what to do, he had just snapped after hearing her ramble on about Oliver. She always rambles on about Oliver, why did it suddenly get to him. He knew why, he just hadn't wanted to accept it until then. Their antics were wasting time, and she didn't have all the time in the world to waste anymore. Oliver, whatever his reasoning, was being stupid and unfair. Felicity's feelings were being stomped all over and ignored. Diggle was sick of his friend treating his other friend this way and he got angry. Unfortunately, he had taken his anger at Oliver out on her in the worst possible way at the worst possible time. By the time he'd processed all of this in a matter of 30 seconds, she was bent over, head on her knees and hands buried in her hair. He had hurt her, made her face the harsh reality that may be her life…and death. He heard a small whimper from her, he wasn't sure if it was a sigh or if she was quietly crying, he just wished he could look her in the face and apologize. Take everything back he had just said. But, it was already there. He reached out to touch her back, but just as he gently grazed her spine, Felicity suddenly sat up straight. He saw tears on her face, but it didn't look as though she had been really sobbing. Although, she was still pale and had started to get a light sheen of sweat on her forehead. She looked straight forward and closed her eyes, placing one palm over them, the other hand still tightly wrapped around her waist.

"Hey…hey are you ok?" Diggle was immediately concerned. "I'm sorry about what I said, it's not important right now, you need to talk to me. Felicity?"

He jumped off the couch and knelt in front of her, knocking the coffee table back as an afterthought. Her face was in a tight grimace, and as he lifted his hand to her cheek, it was cold and clammy.

She was breathing in deep breaths, slow and forced. He knew she was sick, but didn't know what she needed. Digg grabbed a water off the table behind them and softly grabbed the hand over her eyes. Felicity let him lower it down, but kept her eyes closed and dropped her head slightly. He closed her fist around the water.

"Take a drink if you can. It might help." He softly insisted.

She just shook her head once and put the water bottle up to her forehead. Her face was a full grimace at this point. Nothing lively, or happy about it.

Felicity hesitantly opened her eyes, though they were glazed over. She slowly opened the bottle with her shaking hands, Diggle let her do it herself in her own time. She put the water bottle up to her lips and took the smallest sip. The way her face contorted at that small action made it clear that she wasn't going to be doing that again. She shoved the water bottle at him and buried her face in her hands again.

"Oh my god John…" Felicity whispered, face still buried.

"Hey, hey, it's alright, I'm here. What do you need? Are you nauseous?" He asked gently, face full of worry for his friend.

She nodded in two quick jerks of her head, and whimpered in agreement. Diggle jumped up and ran to the kitchen, grabbing a basin he had bought that day. He figured, by chance, if Felicity did get sick, she shouldn't have to be in the bathroom all the time. He ran back out to her and she was shaking even more. He looked at his watch, it was 20 minutes since she had taken her pills, they should be mostly absorbed by now, he'd prefer if she tried to force them down for a little longer to make sure. He didn't want her to have to take more.

"Hey girl, if you need to throw up just tell me, I have a basin here, but it would be best if you can hold out just a little bit longer. To let the medicine absorb." She nodded again, breathing even more heavily. It seemed to be all she could focus on. Inhaling and exhaling. He found himself unconsciously doing it with her. Willing her to make it a little longer. Before he knew it, he looked at his watch and it had been 35 minutes.

"Here." Diggle said as he put the basin on her lap and folded her hands around it. He quickly went to grab her hair to hold it back as she immediately vomited into it. She hadn't eaten much, and after just about 10 minutes she was just dry heaving. After about 15 minutes more, she said she was ok, and he took the basin. Letting go of her hair, he swiftly went into the bathroom to clean it out. He wound up just dumping it into the toilet and throwing the empty basin in the tub so he could get back to her faster.

When he came back out, she was in the same curled up seating position, forehead resting on her knees and arms wrapped around herself. It seemed comforting to her at the time.

"Do you want to lie down?" Digg asked quietly, as to not disturb her.

"That sounds good." Felicity croaked out as she opened her eyes and grabbed his arm to brace, laying herself down on the spacious couch. He lifted her head gently and sat at the end of the couch, placing her head back down onto his lap.

"Why don't you take a nap, maybe you'll feel better a little later huh?"

"Mmmm…" was her only response, closing her eyes as he stroked her hair. He grabbed the wet towel off of the end table that he brought from the bathroom and laid it over her forehead. She lifted her hand up to hold over his as he held it there.

"That feels nice." She whispered, before quickly falling asleep.

They had turned the TV off earlier as she ate and ranted animatedly about the stupidity of the love of her life. He didn't even bother to turn it back on. For now, Diggle was just content to sit here quietly and listen to her slow breathing in and out. He had a lot to think about. He needed to be better for her, not lose his temper. She was in a tough situation, in her eyes, very hopeless. He didn't want to make it harder on her by pointing out that she possibly didn't have as much time as she previous had. How dumb could he be throwing that in her face like that. His anger that Oliver's stubbornness had seeped into his poor attempt at comfort. He vowed to be more patient, and let her make her own decisions. She was a big girl, and as confusing and upended as her life is right now, he has no right to judge her.

Oliver on the other hand, he could judge away. 'Stupid bastard.' Diggle thought. This should be Oliver comforting her right now. That's who she really needs.

ARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROW

"Hey, Boss…yeah, turns out that this hangover, wasn't so much a hangover as a full blown flu. It's pretty terrible…Yeah…Yeah, I've been here all day… Not too much, but I'll try with her again later. I don't wanna push it, it seems really bad…No, not hospital bad...We're big kids Oliver we know when someone needs a hospital, besides, if I needed an IV I could just get one from the lair…Relax, I don' t need an IV, it was hypothetical…Listen brother, she's waking up, I'm gonna see how she feels and you're going to leave her be ok?...OK?...Thank you…no calling her until the day after tomorrow, I'll keep you updated if necessary…good bye Oliver."

Felicity awoke to a dim room, low sunlight, no lamps on, and murmuring from right above her. Her head was still resting on her best friend's lap. He was still there and on the phone. Why was he still there? It had to be late, he should go home.

She flinched and sat up, a little too quickly it seemed as she got lightheaded, and dropped back down.

"Whoa there tiger, slow your roll. How do you feel, besides the obvious? Any better?" Diggle asked quietly, putting the phone down.

"A little bit. Ugh. This sucks. What time is it?" She replied weakly.

"It's about 6." Dig answered, matter-of-factly.

"6!? You should go home! You've been here since yesterday!" Felicity scolded, trying to get up again, more slowly this time, but only managing to lift to her elbows wearily. 'Why am I so damn tired?' she asked herself.

"Because you just started your first dose of heavy drugs, wreaking havoc on your body and extreme fatigue can be one of the starting symptoms, as well as nausea and other delightful things. And yes, you said that out loud." Diggle, put his hand to her shoulder.

"Oops." She replied, sighing and laying back down, unable to do anything else at this point. "But seriously, thank you for everything, I'm thoroughly embarrassed now. But you can go, you've been here for a full day already, and I'm not wonderful company right now." She sighed again, still feeling slightly queasy.

"Well, considering you still need to eat dinner and take another crappy dose of your 'poison', I'm not going anywhere. I've already decided that I was quote 'Wrong about you hangover and you actually have the flu, and that you need to stay home again tomorrow'." Diggle used his sarcastic air quotes at her.

"NO! No way! Oliver is already suspicious and…" She started, as panicked as she could get as tired as she was.

Diggle cut her off. "And what? He'll come over here, and see that you're sick? That's all that it looks like right now baby girl. The flu. And a bad one. Either way, I already called him and you're off the hook for all day tomorrow too. So, I'm not going anywhere tonight. We'll see about tomorrow, I'll have to stop by and see Lyla at least once. I don't think she'll be too concerned about me. She'll probably be more worried about you, they all know you never get sick. Roy might stop by just to see how much of a baby you're being. Which for the record, you're not by the way. You toughed it out for 15 extra minutes yesterday when I asked for 5 or 10." He reminded.

"Ew, don't remind me, and don't remember weird stuff like that. It's gross." She scoffed back in disgust.

He chuckled. "Hey what can I say, I was impressed. But seriously girl, what's your plan?"

"Ugh, again with the questions, and the plans. I'm feeling a little pressure here brother." She said succinctly, giving him a no nonsense glare. He took the hint and backed off.

"OK, well then, what's on the agenda tonight? We didn't get to watch ANY Dr. Who today? What the hell?" Diggle pretended to be offended.

"Well, I was asleep, you could've watched whatever you wanted, dummy." She said, repeating his insult from earlier in the day.

"But it's no fun without my color commentary." He tried to make her smile, bolster her spirits a bit.

"I'm afraid my commentary probably won't be too colorful tonight, but put it on and I'll try and stay awake."

"Well you have to stay awake, because you have to eat something and take your night meds."

"No." She said defiantly.

"Yes."

"Ugh."

"Yup."

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"I do." She smiled.

"I know." He smiled back, happy to see her acting a bit more like herself. He wasn't sure how long she'd last, but for now his friend was back. They both settled in for a long, seemingly excruciating night.

And it was.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I got an idea from a guest reviewer, so thank you! She said it and I was like…"Yup, I can work with that!". Enjoy some pain, and fluff, and a little backstory. Hashtag bonding. I don't own Arrow, yada yada.

Diggle had texted Lyla during dinner that night that Felicity was still sick, and that she had the flu. He told her he didn't feel comfortable leaving her by herself, and would probably stay at least another night. Lyla had responded that she hoped Felicity felt better and understood, but reminded Diggle of an ultrasound appointment the next morning at 11. He had definitely forgotten in all the terribleness that was happening.

He decided to wait to tell Felicity until after she got through dinner and her nighttime medication. Luckily, she said, this was the only day she had to take it three times in one day, the rest it will be mostly morning and dinner or bedtime, unless she needed meds to settle her stomach or something. Eating went ok because she waited a little longer to take the meds afterwards. It seemed to help her keep the food down for a while. This would be a new trick she would have to remember.

At around 9pm, they were sitting on the couch watching Dr. Who. She was still feeling ok an hour after her meds so he decided to bring up the appointment.

"So…I'm in love with Rose Tyler." He said after the episode was over.

"Aren't we all? I think most of us straight girls are even mostly in love with her." Felicity responded from the other end of the couch where she was laying.

He chuckled. "Here's the thing, I didn't wanna bring it up earlier but…Lyla has an appointment tomorrow. It's the first time I can hear the baby's heartbeat, and I kind of have to be there…I want to be there." Digg let out quickly.

"Digg, you don't have to spend every waking…and unwaking moment with me. You have a life, I don't want you to feel obligated to take care of me. I can handle it. I promise. You can't be my handler all the time." She smiled at him weakly. "Though I do appreciate the gesture, this isn't your fight. I have to do it on my own some time."

"I know, but this is the worst time, the first couple of weeks, and I feel weird leaving you for too long. I might be gone for hours, and Lyla might want to do something together afterwards to commemorate the occasion or something." He said easily, not realizing how that sounded right away.

Felicity bit her lip, then finally couldn't contain the giggle that bubbled out.

"I MEAN LIKE DINNER OR SOMETHING! Get your mind outta the gutter." Diggle laughed along as well.

"I'm sorry, I mean, it's just…it's usually me and…it's so much funnier when it's someone else." She said between giggle fits. "Is this how you guys feel every time? You should be thanking me for the entertainment, however embarrassing it may be." Felicity was still laughing even towards the end.

"I have been really good at stifling my laughter thank you very much. I know it embarrasses you, but sometimes it's just too much." Digg was laughing, but then finally they quieted and he got serious again.

"No really though. Who knows how you'll feel tomorrow when even more of this crap in your system, I really do think I'll be jumping out of my skin if I'm not here with you."

"I'll be alright, I'll go to my room and be a good girl. I'll set alarms and eat and stuff. And I have your handy basin for emergencies, way to think ahead by the way. I'd have been spending the day on the bathroom floor if you hadn't been a genius."

"I thought you were the genius?"

"Yeah well, only when it comes to other people. Apparently, I'm really great at being horrible at taking care of myself. I.E. Vertigo, Dodger, the casino, Tockman…etc."

"You're plenty good at taking care of yourself I'm sure. And did you just say I.E. in real life?" Diggle called her out.

Felicity facepalmed. "I have to stop doing that, I've been trying to break myself of it since college, when I found out it's totally nerdy."

Diggle just giggled to himself.

"But you'll be alright tomorrow? Seriously? If you need help I'm sending somebody over, you don't have a choice." He reasoned.

"I won't, but just don't make it Oliver please? He's annoying enough, and honestly, I don't want him seeing me like this. Make it somebody stupid that won't care, like Roy or something. I'd rather take him constantly making fun of me, than Oliver's constant worrying and hovering." Felicity begged. "Also, DON'T CALL ANYBODY I'LL BE FINE!"

"OK, I'll hold off unless you give me permission. Compromise?" He held his hand out.

"Fine, but I won't." She answered defiantly, and shook.

That was then.

Fast forward to the next morning at 8 am, Felicity had spent half the night, awake, nauseous and shaking on her bed, a quarter of the night in the bathroom, and another quarter of the night throwing up in the living room. She was too exhausted to move, and still needed to take her morning meds before Diggle left. He knew she wasn't going to be able to make herself food, or for that matter eat it, by herself. He had to do something. As it is he didn't want to leave at all, but she kept insisting he go. Digg was at an impasse.

"I'm calling Roy." He told Felicity from the other side of the bathroom door. "You can't stop me. Just in case you faint or something. And I have a Pedialyte Pop for you out here for you to have before I go."

"Ugh. No." Felicity said from the bathroom floor, not wanting to eat anything. She had terrible cramps from dehydration and medicine, and didn't want to move at all.

"Yes. You can't even move." He yelled slightly.

She dragged herself over to the door and opened it, not even bothering to stand.

"I concede. Gimme the thing." She said, just stretching her hand out for the frozen electrolytes.

"It will make the cramps better, and keep your energy up…or keep it…there at all."

She just nodded her head tiredly. He had already opened it for her because he knew she was weak and shaky. He also went in and put her morning pills on the sink, carefully.

These are for you. You have until 9:30. That's an hour and a half. I'm calling Roy and I'll go drag his ass out of bed if I have to. He'll be here in 45 minutes, alive or dead. You with me?" He asked, concerned.

Felicity just nodded again, sitting on the floor, back against the wall. She was lightly sucking on the pop, and made a disgusted face every time it touched her lips. Though she hated it, she was working on it, slow and steady.

"You look like a little kid." He said, not in a joking way, more sad. He crouched down beside her and placed his hand on her head. She leaned into it, closing her eyes and huffed out a pained breath. Everything hurt from throwing up, particularly her abs, so moving and breathing were all stupid ideas to her right then. Though eating the pop was bringing a little feeling back to her hands, which had been left tingly at some point in the night.

"Thanks?" She squeaked out.

"Alright, I'm out. Roy will be on his way, call me if you need me. Your phone is on the sink near your pills, there is a timer set that will alert you of your deadline that I have decided to impose."

"I won't forget Diggle. It's too important. I'll be alright. Go, enjoy the thing. I want pictures for my fridge." Felicity looked up at his eyes and actually smiled. It was a genuine smile, if forced. She really was happy for him.

"How do you do it, girl?"

"Magic? OK get out I'm sick of talking, it hurts."

"Alright, I'm telling him you have the flu, and not to bother you, but to check on you and make sure you eat and drink. Pills is all you."

She just grunted in response.

Diggle walked out the door and rushed over to Roy's, who hadn't answered his cell phone.

As he pounded on Roy's door to wake him up, his thoughts strayed to what he'd said last night about Felicity and Oliver. She hadn't mentioned it at all, but he knew he had hurt her. He was tired and in a daze when Roy busted the door open.

"WHAT!? Oh. Hey." Roy said sleepily.

"Hey, I need you do go to Felicity's."

"What? It's like…dawn. What does she need? Muscle?" Roy rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"She's sick, she's got the flu. I've been there since the other night but Lyla has an appointment. I was going to just leave her by herself for a while but she was in really bad shape this morning and I don't want her alone." Diggle spit out quickly.

"Why can't Oliver go? I don't want her germs and he's totally in love with her."

"That's why she doesn't want Oliver there. He's the last person she wants to see her like that."

"Oh so I just get the short straw."

"ROY! JUST GO!"

"Whoa, alright, alright, it's not like I have anything better to do today, or that I didn't just stay up til 4am patrolling and monitoring police radios or anything." He grumbled to himself as he put on real pants and a tee shirt and hoodie.

"I don't care, I just stayed up til 8 am holding my best friend's hair back, making sure she ate and drank and didn't pass out. You can do it for a few hours while I go see my child for the first time. Go there now! Help your friend. She's been nothing but good to you, and watched you for hours on end while you were in your viper venom coma, even after you almost threw a table at her." Diggle yelled.

Roy just paled slightly, not having known that particular bit of information. He felt like a jerk now. He just stood there dumbfounded with his keys in his hands.

"Don't give her any shit Roy, she's been tough the last couple days, but she's hurting. Leave her alone, and just help her if she needs it. There are electrolyte pops in the fridge, and toast and stuff. Make sure she eats something this morning and drinks water. I might be back before lunch, but if not make her a sandwich or something. She knows what she needs to do. Here's her new address. She moved." With that Digg huffed off to his car. He was exhausted from worry and lack of sleep, and didn't have time for Roy's sarcastic shenanigans.

He watched and made sure Roy got in the car before driving off to his appointment with Lyla.

ARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROW

Around 8:50, Roy walked in Felicity's open front door quietly, not wanting to disturb her if she was asleep. He checked around for her on the couch and headed towards her bedroom. He knocked lightly on the door just in case she wasn't decent or something. When he didn't hear anything, he nervously opened the door, seeing that she wasn't in her bed. He glanced over at the bathroom door, which was still wide open like Diggle left it.

"Felicity?" He said quietly. No response. "Hey, it's Roy, you ok? I'm coming in, I don't want to scare you."

He tiptoed to the bathroom and saw her asleep on the floor, towel under her head as a makeshift pillow. The empty freeze pop wrapper was still on the floor next to her hand.

'Well, it looks like she at least finished it.' Roy noted. Squatting down in front of her, he put his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Hey Felicity?" He said quietly again, he wanted to make sure she wasn't passed out or something.

She stirred and 'Hmmm'ed.

"Hi, you alive?" Roy said again quietly.

Upon fully realizing the voice in front of her as Not-Diggle, she startled a little. Tiredly forgetting momentarily that she was waiting for Roy, and not fully awake yet.

"Whoa!" Felicity screamed slightly as she jumped up, and back against the wall in a seated, yet defensive position.

"Whoa! Hey, it's me, it's me! I'm sorry, I called out and you didn't hear me. I didn't mean to scare you."

She immediately calmed a little, seeing Roy in a surrender pose, hands up as he backed up.

"Jesus Roy. I'm sorry, I was still kind of asleep. I guess I freaked out. Ow." She stated as she moved, and everything started to hurt again. She slumped back to her laying position on the floor.

"Damn Blondie, you look like shit. For real. Digg wasn't kidding." Roy came back in and sat on the floor in front of her. She just glared up at him, annoyed.

"Sorry, that was mean. You look pretty, but it is apparent that you are feeling ill….is what I meant." He backtracked.

She just took her finger and put it to her lips. "Shhh." She said as she closed her eyes again, and attempted to resume her nap.

"Do you want me to take you to your bed? I'm supposed to make you eat something for breakfast and give you water…or something."

"I'm fine here. I like it here. It's comforting." She said quietly, placing her arm over her eyes, curling her legs up into a ball again.

"If you say so, I'm gonna get you some toast. What else? Yogurt, banana…?" He trailed off waiting.

"I'm not going to want anything you bring me, just make it easy to eat please?" Felicity mumbled from under her arm.

"Yup."

Roy came back a few minutes later with a piece of toast with a light spread of peanut butter, and a banana.

"Hey, here, sit up and eat real quick. I have water too. You need to stay hydrated."

She sat up against the wall again, and took the toast, confused as to why there was peanut butter. She had never seen that before. She held it up at him with a furrowed brow as a silent question.

"Peanut butter, easy to get down on toast. Protein, fat. Good for sick people. Banana has potassium, it'll help with muscle cramps and it's easy on the stomach. Not my first trip to the bathroom floor. I DID have friends before you guys. Eat." He ordered.

Felicity made an impressed face and choked down the toast, little by little. Roy handed her the water every couple of minutes so she could wash it down, and get some hydration into her system. She looked warily at the banana, not excited at what seemed like a daunting task.

"Just try to eat at least half of it, I can save the other half for later. When you're feeling a bit better."

"Oh it won't be better later, I might as well try to eat it all now, it's not going to be in there for long anyway." She said miserably. "You know you don't have to watch."

"I was told to make sure you ate. So I'm making sure. Diggle is bigger than me, and Oliver will cut my head of if anything happens to you."

She made a soft gagging noise. "Gross. No gross jokes." She choked out.

"Sorry, my bad. Eat." He pointed at the banana in her hand. Felicity angrily broke off a small piece and stuffed it in her mouth out of spite. As terrible as eating felt at the time, she was angrier that Roy had to be there. Angry for him, and for her. Angry at the whole situation.

"So how long have you been deathly ill? Digg said he's been here since the other night?"

"We got drunk the other night, but I didn't know I had the flu til yesterday morning. It's been pretty terrible since then. He's been a saint. Thanks for coming, even though I told him not to call you. I'll forget to tell you later before you leave." She said slowly, between bites of banana, moans and grimaces.

"I was mad at first because I didn't know how sick you were, but now I'm surprised he left you by yourself as long as he did. I don't mind, you took care of me when I was down, I'm returning the favor." Roy shrugged in a moment of rare sweetness. Felicity tried to smile at that, but was having a hard time. She made it to halfway through her banana as Roy had originally suggested and handed it back to him. She couldn't even think about taking another bite of it.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He scoffed as he took it and stood to go into the kitchen to wrap it up. He paused for just a moment as he stood, and she thought he was going to say something else. Maybe about while he was under the influence of the Mirakuru, but after a few seconds he kept walking. He didn't come back for about ten minutes. She kept trying to drink the water he'd left her, but it was making her more nauseous, and she wanted to have kept food down for long enough. When she took her meds they were easier to take that way.

When Roy came back in, he was more stone-faced, quiet. Felicity was holding the water bottle out in front of her, elbows resting on her knees. She stared straight ahead at it, and focused on breathing in and out, slowly and deeply.

He sat down next to her again and she looked up at him, confused as to why he had come back in just to watch her sit and breathe.

Roy just stared at the door for a few more minutes. He seemed to be waiting for something. She didn't care if he was acting weird, she was just trying not to feel sicker. The electrolyte pop and banana had helped with her cramps, as well as the water. She still felt really queasy and generally sick to her stomach. She had taken some stomach relieving pills a few hours ago, but it only helped somewhat, most of her problem seemed dehydration and exhaustion based.

"It helps if you count." Roy said quietly, still looking nowhere.

"What?" She asked, not connecting the dots.

"Your breathing, it helps if you count the seconds, 5 seconds in through the nose, 8 seconds out through the mouth. Music helps sometimes too, you can count the beats and it preoccupies your mind from the nausea." He said flatly, but compassionately.

"Done this before have you?" She asked, not in a rude way, just in a contemplative way. Closing her eyes again to concentrate, she didn't expect him to answer. He was being weird.

"I have actually. How long have you known?" He asked, all in one breath, like he was petrified to speak the words.

"Oh you hav…What?" Her eyes popped open and she whipped her head to face him. That was all the answer he needed. He already knew, but to have it confirmed was heartbreaking. He took a deep shuddering breath and put his face in his hands. Felicity was shocked at what he'd said, and couldn't make words come out of her open mouth. She imagined that she'd looked like a fish on a wall.

Finally, she shook back to reality. "What do you mean? Known about what?" Her voice was shaky and unconvincing. He had caught her completely off guard, and she knew she was caught.

Roy looked up at her with red, hurt eyes. His tears were there but hadn't fallen.

"Oh, what happened." She asked, not even trying to fake it anymore. His face had shown all the devastation she needed in that moment and she didn't want to add to it by lying more.

"How long?" He asked again, voice wavering.

"Two days, 16 hours…I think?" Felicity said almost at a whisper. Tears of her own started falling against her will. He knew. How did he know? What had happened?

"How did you…?" She couldn't finish. She didn't want to push him. They were both clearly very upset. A few seconds ticked by before he could answer, and her phone's alarm went off. Her face shot up at in in sheer terror. She had forgotten it was that close to her pill time.

Roy just reached up with his one hand and tapped it off, grabbing the pills off the sink. He held them in his hand for her to see clearly. He pointed at the large orange pill with a few numbers on it. And the smaller, white pill with blue letters.

"I'd recognize these anywhere, for the rest of my life. My best friend…" He had to stop for a moment to get his bearings. He looked up at the ceiling as two tears fell, and he blinked them away. He looked back at Felicity and handed them to her for her to take, curling her fingers around them for her.

Roy wiped the tears away quickly. She just started at him in awe, like she had never seen him before.

He continued. "My best friend, Patrick." He sighed, and looked down at the floor, then back up at her caring eyes. "He…he had it. His family kicked him out and he stayed with me for a year when we were younger. Only about 16. My parents were gone and I had this little shitty, studio apartment in the Glades. We had been friends our whole lives. His dad was a boozer, his mom was a prostitute. He had two little sisters that he tried to protect. Umm…"

"Roy, you don't have to…" Felicity started, not wanting him to have to relive a painful part of his past.

"No, I do. I don't talk about him enough, and I want to tell you about him." He said adamantly, looking her straight in the eyes.

"Ok, I'm listening." She said softly, putting her hand on his shoulder, completely forgetting how sick she felt in that moment.

"Take your pills first."

"Right." She threw them into her mouth and took one swig of water, catching herself as she almost threw them right back up. She gagged a couple of times, before finally getting them down. When she opened her eyes back up, Roy was in front of her holding her shins, staring at her again.

"You ok? Good?" He asked, full of concern.

She just grimaced and nodded, a couple of tears falling from the strain of keeping the pills down. The back of her hand was at her mouth, and she started taking a couple of deep breaths again.

"5 in through the nose…8 out through the mouth." Roy repeated, breathing along with her a few times.

After she got herself together, he asked if she was OK one more time, before sitting back down next to her.

"45 minutes." He said checking his watch. Felicity knew what he was counting, and noticed his 'Keep them down' time was longer than Diggle's. She didn't like that at all, but figured he knew better than Digg on this topic.

"Patrick." She choked out, trying to distract herself after 5 more minutes of silence.

"Patrick. He…when he was 15. One day, they didn't have breakfast at home for his little sisters. He didn't care if he ate, but he always tried to make sure they did. But, skipping breakfast happened a lot, so they went to school. When he went to lunch, he was told he didn't have any money on his lunch card. Which means his sisters didn't either. He got home and the girls were crying on the front porch. They were hungry and hadn't eaten all day. He was furious. When he got inside, there still wasn't any food for dinner. His mom wasn't anywhere to be seen, and his dad was passed out on the couch watching the fuzz on the TV cause the cable had got out again."

Felicity was quietly crying for his friend, and a little bit for her. Thinking how her childhood sucked almost just as much, though Roy didn't know that. How could he, she never spoke of it.

"That night, Patrick snuck out…or basically…just left for a couple hours. He went on the street looking for work. He had been trying to find a legitimate job, but nowhere would hire a 15 year old kid. Some guy noticed him on the street and pulled him into an alley. He asked Patrick if he wanted to make some cash. Patrick said he knew where it was going, and was disgusted, but he said yes because he thought of his sisters crying at home. He did it. He did it every chance he could to make sure his sisters ate healthy. By the time we were 16 he was positive and his dad kicked him out…..god I haven't talked about this in a long time." He took another sighed breath, and just looked at her devastated crying face. "Oh, I don't mean to upset you, I'm sorry, I'll stop."

"No, what happened, I wanna know." She sniffled.

"OK, well….he…moved in with me, and started on the meds the doctor gave him, but he could only afford a couple of months of prescriptions. They were so expensive. Without insurance he blew through his savings in a heartbeat. He tried to work more but…well…you know how it feels. By the time he started to get used to the meds and feel better, he was out of them, and out of cash. I helped as much as I could, but I was trying to keep a roof over our heads as well. He missed a few doses while he was trying to catch up, and wound up getting sick. I bought a few doses for him black market, but by then he had pneumonia, and they didn't help. He died in my arms two months shy of his 17th birthday." He was actually crying now for his friend, for her. Roy didn't want to think that Felicity was going to have to go through all of this, too. But, he'd be there to help her every step. Like she had been there for him, and like he tried to be there for Patrick.

"Roy…" She grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard. He squeezed back, and she reached over to pull him over to her. They sat on her floor and cried for a while, until she couldn't do it anymore and pulled herself over to the toilet. He held her hair, and whispered to her as she threw up for 2 hours straight.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Hi guys. I'm just going to continue this story in the original post from now on. The Non-Mature rating one. If you are only following this story and want to continue reading, feel free to follow "How Could This Happen." :) I just updated it! Thanks for reading this version, I was proud of it!

JAG


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